Catch My Breath

Oh yeah, that's right, I'm quoting the song title of a Kelly Clarkson song as the title of my blog:)

So last we talked I was about 3 to 4 weeks quit smoking.  I have since relapsed.  This is a very emotional journey for me as I have shared in my previous blogs.  The response I got from some close to me was surprising.  My cheerleaders remained awesome!  Others said things like "you sound so angry" "obviously you are grumpy" or "that's life".  That sucked.  I know this relapse will be disappointing to a lot of you but I am doing my best and that will need to be good enough.

Don't laugh, but I went to a hypnotherapist in the midst of my deepest struggle.  She had a lot of wisdom to share.  My session didn't make me quit smoking (which was of course the intended result), but it shone a light into the chaos of this struggle.  Essentially what I realized is I was going about this backwards.  I was starting with the end goal, the destination and trying to work my way backwards.  Starting with quitting smoking, and then flailing about trying to work into an exercise routine, good nutrition, and ways to deal with all the smoking triggers.  Classic me! 

So I realized I needed to visualize my "goal" or destination of quitting smoking and getting healthy and go from there.  What that means for me is to implement an exercise routine, focus on nutrition, and stress management/reduction... working my way to quitting smoking and getting healthy.  This realization has really boosted my confidence and reduced my stress.

So I am "catching my breath" as Kelly would say.  I am gradually increasing my exercise, this week to 5 times per week.  I am trying to walk as much as possible during the workday as a stress release instead of immediately turning to smoking.  As a family, we are focusing on eating at home.  I am going to run my 5K's even though I will need to walk part of them.  I am focusing on quiet time, a little bit at a time and trying to improve my prayer life and time spent in bible study. I am succeeding.

By the third week of May I'll be focusing my exercise routine to include all of the necessary elements (i.e. cardio, flexibility, strength) and we will be working on more focused meditation and relaxation techniques as a family.  I'll continue my bible study and increase the time I spend for myself in the morning and evening.  Finally, I'll be walking a LOT more.  We are also really working on prepping and preparing our food, especially fruits and veggies.  It is such a hard routine for us to get into but we are getting there! 

I'm not setting a timeline on myself this time.  I'm guessing it will probably be early summer when I quit for good... After all, this is the year of the Cozarts! 

Peace out

a